December 31, 2006

The dawn of each season brings ideas galore
Some which survive, others shown the door,
Like that time travel story, or the love romp not done,
Or the Dark Daniel arc trimmed from six tales to one.

We begin each new year with the best of intentions,
Seeking to craft our inspired inventions.
But conditions are altered, storylines change,
From the original notion so far may they range.

So as we look forward to two thousand and seven,
I can’t help but think it would truly be heaven,
To see the ideas pitched out, some produced,
Make it as finals, not crossed out or reduced.

Atlantis assailed by the stuff of nightmares,
While the team will explore that dark sunken lair.

For one player worship, adoration and fame,
As he and his rival find it’s more than a game.

Receive a grand gift from an all-seeing shaman.
Find the wraith and our allies have something in common.

A tech-savvy group who progress via pillage.
A wild west High Noon in an inapt Dutch village.

Too late the value of that friendship he’ll learn.
A strange disappearance feeds another’s dark turn.

Find survivors concealed in an orbiting rock,
While the thinker receives an enlightening shock.

Mutations discovered, O’Neill is all wet.
With a change of location all will forget.

Hyperion’s wrath threatens total destruction.
Our hand will be forced by ominous construction.

Carter arrives; a reunion of sorts.
One of our own the enemy courts.

Isolation imposed and a grand battle looms,
While an alien contact this player dooms.

Self-doubt for one, parenthood for another,
And that brilliant young mom may be needing her brother.

From innocents lost he’ll produce strict adherence
While the late fallen one makes a surprised reappearance

Scheduling conflicts, production demands,
Changes necessitate all won’t go as planned.
But let’s hope these ideas do well find their way,
And all see the light of a t.v. one day.

December 30, 2006

I hear Disney is taking some of their titles off store shelves and putting them "in the vault". In a matter of weeks, titles such as The Chronicles of Narnia, Bambi: Special Edition, and Lady and the Tramp: 50th Anniversary Edition will become unavailable (until a time of Disney's choosing when they will naturally be re-released to much fanfare). It's really no more transparent a marketing ploy than the other strategies used to boost DVD sales. There are the themed box sets for those wishing to focus on specific types of episodes (ie. The Star Trek Fan Collective: Borg, X-Files Mythology: Colonization, Fat Actress: The Aired Episodes), those special limited edition re-releases that come out about a month after a title's initial release (Now with assistant editor's commentary!), and who wouldn't want to conserve a little shelf space by upgrading to those new repackaged slim packs? While some may decry Disney's actions as a shameless money grab designed to generate an artificial demand by draining the market of a specific product, I personally feel they're not going far enough. Yes, by all means, do us all a favor and take The Chronicles of Narnia off the market. Forget the vault because that implies it is being put away for safe keeping and may, once again, see the light of day. Better to gather up all available copies and bury them in a toxic landfill. And provided there's still room, might I suggest some other studios make their own contributions with the likes of: Poseidon, Silent Hill, and The Wicker Man. And while I realize it wasn't a 2006 release, Moulin Rouge is an evergreen model of terrible scripting and embarrassingly over-the-top performances that should find a home in said hell-pit.

Thankfully, dinner tonight left a much better taste in my mouth than that initial screening of Moulin Rouge. We ate at Le Gourmand,a quaint little restaurant located inside a 150 year old stone house in Pointe Claire. We were six, so I was able to snap a nice variety of pics. Our starters: an excellent Maple-smoked salmon, atypically-shaped gnocchi in a sharp-tasting cheese sauce that didn't go over as well, coconut shrimp, an incredible chicken liver mousse with caramelized onions, and mussels in a Pernod sauce. A fine spinach and watercress salad delayed the arrival of our main courses: my very good sushi-grade tuna dish (done rare, naturally), Fondy's highlight breaded veal cutlet, a salmon dish I don't recall, my sister's chicken dish, another salmon dish I don't recall, and a very good veal scallopini. For dessert: a key lime pie I enjoyed that others felt wasn't tangy enough, a good creme brulee, a phenomenal warm chocolate torte topped with premium vanilla ice cream that I was forced to share with the table (in part because I had ordered three desserts), premium vanilla ice cream with home made caramel sauce, Fondy's much-loved profiterole, a surprisingly tasty coconut-lemon pie, and a dark chocolate espresso pot.

December 29, 2006

My wife loves boardgames. I think it must be a genetic predisposition because, every holiday, whenever she and her sisters get together, they end up playing into the wee hours of the night, loosening such shouts, shrieks, and maniacal laughter that you'd think they were playing Scattegories: The Bloodsport Edition. I prefer to steer clear of any activities that require me to sing, dance, or fashion mythological creatures out of Play-Doh. All the same, I was suckered into participating last night. The game was called Cerebellum (or something). We played the lame Canadian version in which much of the trivia centered on Canadian culture (Ah, enforced culturalism, that pestilent scourge government legislation shoves down the throats of all Canadian citizens in everything from the magazines they read to the television they watch to, evidently, even the board games they play. But I digress. Let me pick this subject up in a future blog entry.). Anyway, between guessing at painfully insignificant milestones in Canadian history and attempting to gum the chorus of Stand By Me for my thoroughly bewildered partner, I bore witness to an extremely troubling incident. Now I've seen some pretty disquieting things in my life, but I'd hazard to say nothing quite as distressing as watching my 70-something mother attempt to imitate Donald Duck. That was it. I was done for the night.

Today, we hit probably the best place for smoked meat in Montreal: Smoked Meat Pete's on the West Island. I had the special - a smoked meat sandwich, cole slaw, and their famed fries (fried, drained, and re-fried for maximum crispiness). When you order your smoked meat, you have a choice of having it lean or medium (although I suppose you could order it full fat if you're so inclined). I usually go medium and today was no exception. The meat was exceptional - moist, well-marbled, and deliciously smoky.

December 28, 2006

Every time I come into town, my mother has yet another friend of a friend or cousin's neighbor's son to recommend, some neophyte writer-director-editor looking to get into show business who just needs that one break to get his foot in the door. And the way my mother sees it, I hold the keys to said door. And so, she'll present me with resumes, movie ideas, short films, and, on one occasion, a self-published collection of nature-themed short stories that she thought would make for great t.v. While I would love to help these people out, I really wouldn't feel right granting someone a staff position based on their ten minute short that won the 2002 Laval Young Filmmaker's Competition, nor am I in a position to greenlight a t.v. series (although, to be perfectly honest, I still probably wouldn't give the go ahead to a show about some talking marmots and an incorrigible kokkaburra named Cece.). Despite my protests, my mother insists I at least give the materials a cursory look with a: "Give a chance. He's a good boy." A good boy? Good God, he's picked the wrong profession.

To be fair, it's not just my mother who'll occasionally mistake me for Steven Spielberg. Everyone seems to be sitting on the next big blockbuster: the gardner, my late grandmother's doctor, the guy who owns one of the comic shops I visit. At one family gathering a few years back, my cousin's husband took me aside (always a bad sign) to excitedly pitch me his thriller idea. "The terrorists attack the city,"he tells me, "but they do it by targeting the last place anyone would ever think of." (The water supply, I think to myself). "The water supply,"he reveals. Un huh. I'm always polite, promising to run their idea through the proper channels and get back to them. In my case, "the proper channels" is Martin Gero. "So in his movie,"I'll inform Martin, "the terrorists attack the city by targeting the last place anyone would ever think of." "The water supply,"he guesses without missing a beat. "The water supply,"I reveal. Well, I guess they can't all be winners. Still, I can't help but hold out hope that some day, someone will hit me with that golden pitch, that can't miss idea that I'll be able to pass along without fear of losing credibility or dignity. And then, I'll finally be able to say: "I helped that guy get his foot in the door. When no one else would believe, I alone stood up to champion his telepathic detective dog t.v. series idea.". And mom would be so proud.

For some reason, I wasn't able to figure out how to upload pics via my cousin's Mac. I am back on a friendly computer and posting photos of our visit to a restaurant I'd been dying to check out since my sister first mentioned it a year ago: Pied de Cochon. We were offered a choice of either eating at 5:00 p.m. or 10:00 p.m. We chose the former and arrived early, negotiating the lively dining area to grab our table at the back. Our animated waitress informed us of the specials and then, we were on our way. First up was the onion soup Fondy ordered, an incredibly hearty version literally bursting with onions. Next came the foie gras cromesquis (sic?), tiny deep-fried pockets containing liquified goose liver. The foie gras cru on a mashed potato tartlet was next - another hearty dish, the sweetness of the tartlet off-set by the fleur de sel used to top the foie gras. And as if that wasn't enough, we then continued the foie gras theme with - my favorite! - the foie gras grilled cheese. Spectacular. We also enjoyed a foie gras poutine - a generous piece of the goose liver crowning a mound of crisp fries and cheese curds topped with gravy. Excellent. By the time the last fry was eaten, we were thoroughly stuffed. At which point, with the appetizers out of the way, the main courses arrived. The Duck in a Can was served, yes, in a can. The waitress opened the can at the table, then upended it and deposited it's contents onto the plate: an incredibly flavorful, hot piece of duck accompanied by a portion of foie gras. We went off-book by ordering a non-foie gras dish: the Pork Potee which offered four types of very tender pork: pork belly, pork shank, pork sausage, and a surprisingly tasty cinnamon-spiced pork blood pudding. Finally, we went back on-book and had the foie-gras-stuffed pig's feet. The pork was just as good as the version my father used to make when we were kids.

When the waitress came to clear away the table, I told her: "Nous avons tous trop manger. Tout quand meme, nous aimerions commande du dessert." And, for dessert, my mother had a creme caramel she adored (too bland for me), Fondy had a lemon tart she really enjoyed (too tart for me), and I opted for two desserts that I shared with the table. The Valhrona 70% dark chocolate mousse was a perfect partner to the sweet Pouding Chomeur, a piece of cake swimming in a pool of bubbling maple lava. I'm going to miss this place when I head back to Vancouver, and I've only been here once.

December 27, 2006

Sorry. No photos today as I'm on a Mac. Instead, here are a few more scifi book I really enjoyed and would highly recommend:

The Forever War - Haldeman

A Canticle for Leibowtiz - Miller

Parable of the Sowers - Butler

Old Man's War - Scalzi

December 26, 2006

In the Summer it’s the mosquitoes, in the Spring it’s the house flies, and in the Fall it’s those big-ass spiders that emerge from the darkest recesses of your basement to traipse across the carpeted floor whenever you happen to be entertaining. You’d think that Winter would be clear of such nuisances but, in fact, ‘tis the season for perhaps the most annoying pest of all. What do you call ‘em again? They’re always buzzing around the house, making whining noises, emitting foul odors, complaining about the Christmas gifts you got them. Oh, yeah. Little boys.

Unlike little girls who tend toward a polite introspective calmness, these diminutive demons are discourteous, disruptive and destructive by nature, reveling in their delinquent achievements and various bodily functions. Unchecked, they’ll harass the house pet, obstruct the plumbing, and generally find a way to access the hitherto most inaccessible item in the place be it that antique cup you put up on the high shelf, your father’s long-abandoned BB gun buried somewhere within the unfathomable depths of the crawlspace, or the personal contents of your top drawer nightstand.

Yes, they can be formidable little aggravations, but I’ve discovered that they can be dealt with given one’s willingness to implement the correct character-building exercises, little life-lessons to help steer them in the right development direction:

Exercise #1: Hide and Seek

Offer to play Hide and Seek. Have him go first, starting a countdown from 100 as he scurries off to conceal himself. Once you hit 75, you can stop counting as he is probably out of earshot. Feel free to turn on the t.v. and watch the football game. Anywhere from 5-25 minutes later, he’ll find his way back and complain at which point you congratulate him, explain that his hiding place was just “too good” and that you gave up but are willing to give it another try. Again start counting down from 100 as he scurries off. Repeat exercise. Eventually, he’ll catch on at which point you switch things up and offer to do the hiding. As he starts his countdown, slip outside, hop into your car and drive away. This is a good time to run some errands. Builds: Patience.

Exercise #2: Toilet Monster

Casually mention a story you saw on the news concerning yet another person attacked while sitting on their toilet. Explain how more and more pet snakes, flushed away by irresponsible owners as babies, grow up in the sewers and eventually attempt to make their way back up the system to their presumed homes, encountering many an unwary sitter along the way. Play up the swiftness and unexpectedness of the attacks, the various horrifying injuries. Perhaps throw in a personal anecdote (“Remember cousin Eric? Wonder why he’s not here today?). Then, wish him good luck on his next toilet visit. Builds: Prudence.

Exercise #3: Sneeze Face

Run tap water on your hand and wait for your victim to start mouthing off or attempt to blow you a raspberry. Then, feign a humongous sneeze, simultaneously flicking the water off your hand directly into his face and hopefully open mouth. Nothing elicits such a wonderfully panicked expression. Builds: Awareness of proper hygiene.

Exercise #4: Ice Cream Sandwich Challenge

Bet him he can’t eat 12 ice cream sandwiches in one sitting. The trick with this one is to avoid unwanted parently interference. Builds: Stamina.

Exercise #5: Basement Scare

Ask him if he’d like to watch a DVD. Start the movie, turn off the lights, and leave. Approximately 30 minutes later, creep back downstairs and start flicking the lights on and off, screaming “Monster in the basement!”, before turning the light back off and bounding up the stairs. Guaranteed he won’t be far behind you. Builds: Courage.

Exercise #6: Present for Mommy

Tell them how much his mommy loved a particular dessert and propose he surprise her by bringing her home a piece. Of course, for it to be a true surprise, mom can’t see him sneaking the dessert, so he’ll need a clever hiding place for transport. Suggest her purse. Builds: Ingenuity.

Exercise #7: Story Time

Offer to read them a story. Choose from Thucydides’ History of the Peloponnesian War, Italo Calvino’s The Castle of Crossed Destinies, or anything by Evelyn Waugh. Builds: An Appreciation of Literature.

Exercise #8: Stop Eating! Stop Eating!

Wait until he has just about finished eating his dessert, then make a big show of using a pair of tongs to fish a furtively planted lone raisin out of the bottom of the bowl, all the while yelling: “Stop eating! Stop eating! There’s a mouse poopy in the dessert!” Builds: Temperance.

Exercise #9: Noisiest Toy Wins

This one targets not so much the kid as it does his parents, forcing them into the rare position of disciplinarian (a role most parents are clearly uncomfortable with nowadays). Visit your local toy store and get the kid the noisiest toy in the place (usually one of those plastic gun that flash and wail, emitting bleeps, bloops, and high-pitched chirrups). Once he’s got the toy, sit back and watch the fun unfold. Try and guess who’ll crack first: mom or dad. Builds: Discipline.

Exercise #10: The Forsaken

Enter the basement and turn on the lights, interrupting his marathon gaming session. Adopt an expression of genuine bewilderment and ask: “What are you still doing here? Your mommy and daddy went home two hours ago!” Builds: Proper Time Management.

Despite mom’s disapproval, we decided to forgo leftovers tonight and headed to Bar B Barn, a Montreal institution and my wife’s favorite rib joint. While Fondy went for the half-rack, I opted for the chicken and rib combo. I found the rib sauce a little cloying, preferring a dry rub, but I liked the chicken (nice and moist). Accompanying the mains were some fine fries, a not-particularly memorable chicken gravy, the ubiquitous Spanish rice that, as far as I can tell, is only there for decorative purposes, a bun, and a solitary onion ring. On mom’s insistence, I’ve also included a pic of her excellent crab mousse.

December 25, 2006

Good haul this year. I suppose it's no coincidence that most of the gifts I received were edible. And those that weren't certainly smelled like they could be.

Tonight was Christmas Dinner 2: Revenge of the In-Laws. On the menu this night: lasagna, chickpea salad, cabbage rolls, our second roast leg of lamb of the holidays, turkey, home made spring rolls (filled with pork, shrimp, veggies, vermicelli and served with both plum and fish sauce, better than any spring rolls I've had in any restaurant), shrimp in lobster sauce, a truly marvelous dish of Chinese mushrooms, tofu, chicken, and whole chestnuts, barbecued duck, fantastic home made won ton soup, ribs, potato salad, shrimp and celery salad, shrimp cake in vegetable sauce. For dessert: Skor cake (a little too creamy for me), and Dan Gow, a light sponge cake with fruit and cream - as I'm someone who tends to ask for the heaviest thing on the dessert menu, it didn't do it for me.

Overall, another great meal. And, no doubt, another sleepless night.